2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
