Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
