woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
