Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
