Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
