Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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