apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
whose ass print is on the piano?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
