Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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