I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
