every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
