her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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