Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
