i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
