didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
