Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
