me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
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They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
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I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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