We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
