Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
