I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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