he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
