Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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