They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
