Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
