I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
