The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
