Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
