But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
