dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
