yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
