Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
