I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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