I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize