woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I looked at my own cervix.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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