I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize