sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
