dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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