Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
