I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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