not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
