'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
