You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
