I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
