Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
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