I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
