You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
