Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
