Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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