never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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