Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm bleeding and have questions
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
