OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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