girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
