Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
