38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
