i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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