It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
