is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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