I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
