Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
