You don't have asthma, your pregnant
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you made out with another girl for some wings
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
