I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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