girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I FOUND THE LEGS
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
