Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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