32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
