Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I understand Curling. That high.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
