i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
